Emotional workout

WOW!!!
All I can say that explains the emotional week I am having.
WOW!!!

Just between us... I've cried EVERYDAY this past week. My heart has been filled with every emotion!

EMOTIONAL CHECK LIST
sadness - CHECK
happiness - CHECK
Loneliness - CHECK CHECK
love - CHECK x infinity
anger - CHECK
hope - CHECK
discouragement - CHECK
joy - CHECK
fear - CHECK
trust - CHECK


I'm sure there are a few more that I have missed but you get the picture right? OK!!!

Christmas time is such a beautiful time of year. I love everything about what it should be. And to be honest I am starting to realize that what I think and hoped it would be was not this year. I was without my child. No one to love and kiss under the mistletoe. I had no one special to give my gift of love to. It was in a way a lonely Christmas. But I still had my family. And most of all I had the love of my Savior.

It was so hard to be strong for everyone around me. I prayed so hard that I could be strong and not let my heart break show. I didn't want to be the fragile thing everyone had to be careful with and worry about. I prayed for strength to keep my tears hidden. It was weird to feel it for the first time the calm that came over me when I would start to get upset. It was like my heart would start to break and just when I thought it would, I would be covered with such a calming peace. I knew that I would be OK. I heard a still small voice tell me as my heart broke that I was going through these emotions for a reason. I know that I am loved. My Father in heaven loves me. He gives me what I need to get through the trials I am and will face in the future.

When you hit the bottom and feel such sorrow it makes you understand. Understand what life is about.

I long to feel loved again. I ache for my sons arms to be around my neck. I pray that I can be the woman God knows I can be. I know what I am supposed to do in this life.

LIVE ~ LAUGH ~ LOVE
And I know I can't do it alone. But I'm OK with that.

365 days

I have been sitting here for the past hour trying to make sense of what I am feeling.

I can't.

When the clock struck mid-night and December 17th rolled back around I felt a deep sadness. But that really didn't last too long. I cried for a couple minutes for what has been lost.

I cried for my Cooper.
For his loss. For his innocence.
He has been a victim in all of this.
I cried for my past.
I cried for my future that will not be.

Then...

I wiped those tears and found myself looking to the future.

I have survived this first year. It wasn't easy! But I was so worth it. My life is so blessed. I know in my soul that I have a purpose in this world and that the things I have gone through have made me a better daughter of God. I also know that the things I have felt and learned need to be shared. I have so much to look forward to.

Love
Life
Success
Family
Fun

One day I will be blessed with an eternal partner to love and be loved by. Someone to grow with, have fun with, cuddle with, talk to and be with for eternity.

I have hope.
I have a beautiful future ahead of me.
I have a son who loves me.
I have my Savior and He has saved me so many time. Lifted me up when I was down. And carried me when I had no more strength to go on.

And I need to thank SO many for all they have done and given to me this past year.


Mom,

Thank you for your love.

I remember the feeling I had when I first saw you after it all and I knew I would be OK as soon as I was in your arms. I wasn't home until I was in them.

So many times you have done all you can to keep me going this past year. Everything from movie nights to building a camp fire in the driveway and helping me laugh and smile when I needed to.
I pray I will be able to be as wonderful a mom to Coop as you have are to me.

Thank you mom

I love you
Katie


Dad,

Thank you for always being there for me.

And thanks for being the man Coop has needed in his life. Cooper loves you.

I love you so much
Katie


Sal, Jeff, Mandy, Ronnie and Jamie, (and company)

How could I not have made it through this past year when I have you all? You have all been there for me and done so much for me and Cooper.

I remember when Jamie and Jennie came in the front room and we danced to that song :-)
I knew I would be OK. And the days I started to forget that one of you was always there to remind me that I was loved and someone believed in me.

I am so blessed to have such loving, fun, amazing brothers ans sister.

I love you
Katie


Family and friends,

I have had SO much love and support beyond my immediate family. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, kind words, hugs, nights of laughter and support.

I have come to find out who was true and who was not.

Thanks

I love you
Katie




Cooper,

Where do I start? How do I express how I feel about you?

I love you more then words came express. You have blessed me with so much love and happiness.

I love you!

There were time when things were so tough that I wouldn't have been able to make it through the day had it not been for you. You keep me going.

I love your funny sense of humor, you silly dancing, how you get so excited about the little things. I love when you wake up and run and jump on my lap. I love everything about you.

I promise you I will do all I can to give you the life you deserve. I will be there for you. I will always love you. I want you to be SO happy.

Thank you so letting me be your momma.

I love you more then words can say.

Love,
Momma



I am so blessed.

And I know I have been a second chance at the life I am supposed to live.

I will not take that for granted.

I'm ready for the next 365 days.