A tool in his hands.....

Church was so amazing today. I felt the spirit so strong during sacrament meeting and it has stayed with me through out the day. My darling friend Becky and her husband Gaylen and her new RM sister Sarah spoke and they did so great. Just about every fast Sunday Becky shares her testimony and she is touches my spirit every time. Well this talk was so full love the spirit. she spoke about the pioneers and then about how we can be pioneers in our time. She talked about how we all have the responsibility and chance to be a tool in our Father in heavens hands. I want to be a tool in His hands. I want to be a pioneer in my time. I want my life to mean something. I want my trials and hardships to shape me into the woman my Father knows I can be.

Some days I feel like I have so many emotions racing through me. I am so thankful but also hurt, happy to have my Coop but sad to have him gone, I'm SO very lonely but don't want to be around people and I am upset that my life has gone in the direction it did because of someone else's decisions but I know that this trial will mold me into the woman I want to be. And I know that this can be a negative or a positive effect on my Coop. I can't control what my ex does in this life. I have a very hard time knowing that he is not being the dad Coop deserves and needs. I get SO angry and upset that Coop has to be around things I don't agree with. I pray constantly that I will be able to be a good enough mother to me baby so that he will know right from wrong. Because being a mom is the most important roll I have.

I am SO thankful to be a mother in Zion, to have the things I do to raise my son with the love of Christ in our home. when I had Cooper I found a whole new meaning in the primary song, I am a Child of God. Before I sang it from a child's perspective, but now I understand it as a parent. I must lead, guide and walk beside my Coop through his life as his mommy, just like my mom did for me and my grandma for her and so on and so on........ And I know that the only way to be able to do that is to remember my Father in heaven and Savior. If I obey the commandments they will aways be there to lead me, guide me, walk beside me.

Katie